Why moviegoers, why?

Why did "The Grudge 2" make $22 million this weekend, tops at the box office? It beat out "The Departed" at $18.7 million and "Man of the Year" (god awful idea) at $12.5 million. Also, two weekends ago, "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning" was the film movie patrons most wanted to see. Honestly, you don't respect yourself if you showed up for either of those two films. When the user rating for "The Grudge 2" and "TCM: TB" are 4.8 and 5.8 out of 10 on IMDb, respectively, you know they were terrible. Because the people who are giving this rating are the people who actually shelled out $9 to see it. I love the thought of these morons running up to the ticket window, all giddy and excited, sweaty hair matted to their forehead, because they just can't wait to see Sarah Michelle Gellar getting chased by a little 5 year old who got into his mother's makeup bag. The feeling of absolute superiority that I feel over these idiots is empowering.

This brings me to my next topic. Is 2006 the worst year for movies and music ever (excluding the 80s)? Be honest to yourself, every time you sing the words "You've got a sexy back... YEAHP!", you can feel your dignity slapping you across the face. And you know what the 10 highest grossing movies this year are so far? Here's a list:

1. Pirates of the Carribbean: Dead Man's Chest - $421 million
2. Cars - $244 million
3. X-Men: The Last Stand - $234 million
4. The Da Vinci Code - $218 million
5. Superman Returns - $200 million
6. Ice Age: The Meltdown - $195 million
7. Over the Hedge - $155 million
8. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - $148 million
9. Click - $137 million
10. Mission: Impossible III - $134 million
    

The first thing you should notice is that if you have a comprehension level equivalent to a 9 year old, virtually nothing on that list is appealing to you. Tell me, where is a great movie on that list? The best that any can manage is "good", and thats only one or two. Regardless, they all probably got "Two thumbs up!" from those sellouts Ebert and Roeper. If you're watching movie previews in 2006 waiting for a "Two thumbs up!" rating from these out-of-touch idiots, then you were probably at "The Grudge 2" in full costume.

It's appalling. The movie industry, music industry, and customers who make them rich have to be doing this just to piss me off. There's no other explanation for it. You know who was invited to my school this fall to play a concert? The All-American Rejects. I'm serious. The All-American Rejects. And the show sold out. To college kids! I thought we were supposed to be the smart ones who dictate popular culture! Am I the only one who appreciates entertainment that is creative and, well, entertaining?

Also, a few weeks ago I went to Blockbuster to rent "Kindergarten Cop", a Governator classic film, filled with hundreds of useful soundboard audio clips. They had no copies in stock. But thankfully, they had a section devoted to Tyler Perry, called "The Tyler Perry Collection". That's a good trade off. Arnold Schwarzenneger, the most unintentionally funny man on the planet (along with Chuck Norris), replaced by a guy ripping off Eddie Murphy's "Nutty Professor" idea. If you don't know, Tyler Perry is incredibly creative! He dresses up as all different characters in his straight-to-video movies and uses zany voices for all of them! You can't make this stuff up! Unless you're Tyler Perry, of course. And I had nothing against the guy until this event. Just the fact that he had a whole collection of straight-to-video movies at Blockbuster instead of the classic "Kindergarten Cop" was enough to make me hate him. I think I even saw "White Chicks" on the shelf. What's the Netflix website again?

Lastly, I want to give a tribute to the artists who have released worthwhile material for the world to enjoy in 2006. "Little Miss Sunshine", even though you only started on 7 screens (compared to the 4,065 of "Superman Returns"), you renewed my faith in movies. I also heard great things about "Thank You for Smoking", so check that out on DVD. And finally, I would like to take this chance to confess how happy I am that M. NIGHT SHYAMALAMADINGDONG's "Lady in the Water" tanked. I guess moviegoers aren't so bad after all...